The chapter that i'll never end.

It’s definitely not the same anymore. Living with the most beautiful soul for 22 years and then having to let them burn down to nothing; it’s something not most of us can do with grace. But I did. I let you go daddy, I let you go because you wanted to.

I remember those sleepy nights when you held me close and said, “It’s not long before you’ll have to live without me”. I laughed it off. Just like any other kid would, I rubbished that thought you expressed and went back to hugging you. Little did I know, it was true. Sooner or later you had to leave.

But I need to ask you, something I always wanted to; was it that easy for you to let go off me? You presumed that your baby girl would do fine without you? Yes, yes, I know you are sitting up there with your glass of whiskey and grinning down at me. But, do you really think I’m better off without you?

I know I haven’t grieved you enough, as much a daughter is suppose to. But I tried, I really did, I wanted to wail my heart out, shove my face into a pillow and scream. Scream at you for leaving me to fend for myself.

Don’t you dare smile at my plight, because nothing has been the same anymore! Better yet, I’m married now and you weren’t even around to see me smile and walk down the aisle, with the man who reminds me of you. Lucky that he is around!

I don’t really know who is worth the talking. May be a couple of friends, maybe my husband, but no one is you. Nobody understands my silence like you did. Nobody knows my smile like you did.

I promise I’ll be the person you wanted me to be. I promise I will. I could at least try.

But, I’m still trying to figure out some weird notions. I’m still trying to find that perfect hug, that perfect spot, wherein I can bury myself and cry. And maybe then I’ll be fine. Then I’d be able to smile without the cringe in my eyes.

Ok. Now I have to go. I promise I’ll write to you soon. Till then, miss me J

Love.

Cherria.