Every post on this blog is based on real-life experiences, so is this one. Actually, this is just about yesterday, precisely, last night.
1) The Roman Empire is out of town for about 4 days (They call it Event Management or something like that).
2) I recently happened to move base to Pune.
3) It's just the two of us now.
Bottom line, when he isn't around, I'm Alone!
Now to justify the base of this post and the "I'm Alone" part - it all relates to one particular childhood trauma. This is with all due credit to my only brother and his weapon - Fear.
Since about the age of 3, I have been conditioned to be scared. Scared of what if you ask me, I smile and say Ghosts. Yes, they do exist. At least that's what the 3 year old me believed and now, the 24 year old me.
It was a fun game for my then innocent brother, to irritate the living wits out of his sister with stories which were some what like this:
1) Imagine you are peacefully seated on the commode and a hand from underneath pulls you in.
2) If you wake up around mid-night and notice that you are all alone in the room (Meaning, the family was around prior to that)
3) Your mom's eyes are white (ghost like) when you look at her in the night.
4) The girl from the movie grudge crawls into your room from a remote corner
5) A small kid is seated under the table, chair, sofa etc. patiently looking into your eyes.
6) Somebody just walks through your house during the dark, mindlessly. (probably wanting to make a move)
7) A feeling you get when someone is walking right behind you and is about to lay their hands on you.
And many more of these situations. And as of today, it's foolish to expect me to stay alone in a house or room post evenings. I will not. Not even if somebody has their life at stake. This is plain fear. And, last night was one such night. I had to (had no option) to be alone at home, all night. And, to my surprise, I did. How? Because there wasn't an alternative. Although I stayed up till about 4 watching television (and binging on cola and wafers, (an attempt to stay awake), it worked. I still have 3 more nights to go. And, I swear to the Heavenly Mother of God, I'm petrified.
But then, I guess it was time to let go, to face it. May be I won't have options all the time. May be life won't be give into my demands all the time. So it's best I start now. Make it a habit. A habit to live alone, a habit to face the fear I fear the most. And, this is why I decided to name this post - Leave it outside your door pretty girl!
1) The Roman Empire is out of town for about 4 days (They call it Event Management or something like that).
2) I recently happened to move base to Pune.
3) It's just the two of us now.
Bottom line, when he isn't around, I'm Alone!
Now to justify the base of this post and the "I'm Alone" part - it all relates to one particular childhood trauma. This is with all due credit to my only brother and his weapon - Fear.
Since about the age of 3, I have been conditioned to be scared. Scared of what if you ask me, I smile and say Ghosts. Yes, they do exist. At least that's what the 3 year old me believed and now, the 24 year old me.
It was a fun game for my then innocent brother, to irritate the living wits out of his sister with stories which were some what like this:
1) Imagine you are peacefully seated on the commode and a hand from underneath pulls you in.
2) If you wake up around mid-night and notice that you are all alone in the room (Meaning, the family was around prior to that)
3) Your mom's eyes are white (ghost like) when you look at her in the night.
4) The girl from the movie grudge crawls into your room from a remote corner
5) A small kid is seated under the table, chair, sofa etc. patiently looking into your eyes.
6) Somebody just walks through your house during the dark, mindlessly. (probably wanting to make a move)
7) A feeling you get when someone is walking right behind you and is about to lay their hands on you.
And many more of these situations. And as of today, it's foolish to expect me to stay alone in a house or room post evenings. I will not. Not even if somebody has their life at stake. This is plain fear. And, last night was one such night. I had to (had no option) to be alone at home, all night. And, to my surprise, I did. How? Because there wasn't an alternative. Although I stayed up till about 4 watching television (and binging on cola and wafers, (an attempt to stay awake), it worked. I still have 3 more nights to go. And, I swear to the Heavenly Mother of God, I'm petrified.
But then, I guess it was time to let go, to face it. May be I won't have options all the time. May be life won't be give into my demands all the time. So it's best I start now. Make it a habit. A habit to live alone, a habit to face the fear I fear the most. And, this is why I decided to name this post - Leave it outside your door pretty girl!
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